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 Post subject: Re: funny
PostPosted: Sun May 18, 2014 10:31 am 
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Testing of the new megaphone silencers at the Mercedes test track.

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 Post subject: They could try these
PostPosted: Sun May 18, 2014 7:24 pm 
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Location: Coedpoeth N.Wales
https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=p ... 1ZsCYieFKw


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 Post subject: Re: funny
PostPosted: Sun May 18, 2014 9:35 pm 
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Name: Bruce
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Bob and Ayjay! I dread to think what you typed into your search boxes to come up with those :shock: :lol:


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 Post subject: Re: funny
PostPosted: Sun May 25, 2014 5:25 pm 
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A little boy goes to his dad and asks, 'What is Politics?'

Dad says, 'Well son, let me try to explain it this way:

I am the head of the family, so call me The Prime Minister..

Your mother is the administrator of the money, so we call her the Government


We are here to take care of your needs, so we will call you the People.

The nanny, we will consider her the Working Class.

And your baby brother, we will call him the Future.

Now think about that and see if it makes sense.'

So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what Dad has said.

Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him.


He finds that the baby has severely soiled his nappy.

So the little boy goes to his parent's room and finds his mother asleep.

Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room.

Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny..

He gives up and goes back to bed.

The next morning, the little boy say's to his father,

'Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now. '

The father says, 'Good, son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about.'

The little boy replies:
'The Prime Minister is screwing the Working Class while the
Government is sound asleep.

The People are being ignored and the Future is in deep shit.'


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 Post subject: Re: funny
PostPosted: Thu May 29, 2014 1:02 pm 
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 Post subject: Re: funny
PostPosted: Thu Jun 05, 2014 11:48 pm 
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The Cowboy...

A successful rancher died and left everything to his devoted wife.
She was a very good-looking woman and determined to keep the ranch, but knew very little about ranching, so she decided to place an ad in the newspaper for a ranch hand.

Two cowboys applied for the job. One was gay and the other a drunk.

She thought long and hard about it, and when no one else applied she decided to hire the gay guy, figuring it would be safer to have him around the house than the drunk.

He proved to be a hard worker who put in long hours every day and knew a lot about ranching. For weeks, the two of them worked, and the ranch was doing very well.

Then one day, the rancher's widow said to the hired hand,
"You have done a really good job, and the ranch looks great. You should go into town and kick up your heels."
The hired hand readily agreed and went into town one Saturday night.

One o'clock came, however, and he didn't return.
Two o'clock and no hired hand.
Finally he returned around two-thirty, and upon entering the room, he found the rancher's widow sitting by the fireplace with a glass of wine, waiting for him.

She quietly called him over to her.

"Unbutton my blouse and take it off," she said. Trembling, he did as she directed.

"Now take off my boots."

He did as she asked, ever so slowly. "Now take off my socks."

He removed each gently and placed them neatly by her boots.

"Now take off my skirt."

He slowly unbuttoned it, constantly watching her eyes in the fire light.

"Now take off my bra." Again, with trembling hands, he did as he was told
and dropped it to the floor.

Then she kicked him hard in the bollocks, looked at him groaning in agony on the floor and said, "If you ever wear my clothes into town again, you're fired!"


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 Post subject: Re: funny
PostPosted: Fri Jun 06, 2014 7:52 pm 
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A woman was standing at the edge of a cliff trying to get the nerve to jump off.
A homeless drunk stopped and mumbled,
"If you're about to kill yourself, how about a shag before you go?"



The woman was angry and said,



"No! Sod off you filthy old bastard."



The tramp turned to leave and said,
"No problems, I'll just go and wait at the bottom then."


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 Post subject: Re: funny
PostPosted: Thu Jun 19, 2014 8:16 pm 
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Does this ring true.



As I was lying around, pondering the problems of the world.

I realized that at my age I don't really give a rat's arse anymore.

If walking is good for your health, the postman would be immortal.

A whale swims all day, only eats fish, drinks water, but is still fat.

A rabbit runs and hops and only lives 15 years, while a tortoise doesn't run and does mostly nothing, yet it lives for 150 years.

And you tell me to exercise?? I don't think so.

Just grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked, the good fortune to remember the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.


Now that I'm older here's what I've discovered:

1. I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.

2. My wild oats are mostly enjoyed with prunes and All-Bran.

3. I finally got my head together, and now my body is falling apart.

4. Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded.

5. Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded.

6. If all is not lost, then where the fuck is it?

7. It was a whole lot easier to get older, than to get wiser.

8. Some days, you're the top dog; some days you're the lamp post.

9. I wish the buck really did stop here; I sure could use a few of them.

10. Kids in the back seat cause accidents.

11. Accidents in the back seat cause kids.

12. It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.

13. The world only beats a path to your door when you're in the bathroom.

14. If God wanted me to touch my toes, he'd have put them on my knees.

15. When I'm finally holding all the right cards, everyone wants to play chess.

16. Its not hard to meet expenses . . . they're everywhere.

17. The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

18. These days, I spend a lot of time thinking about the hereafter . . .
I go somewhere to get something, and then wonder what I'm "here after".

19. Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded.

20. HAVE I SENT THIS MESSAGE TO YOU BEFORE ?


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 Post subject: Re: funny
PostPosted: Tue Jun 24, 2014 1:11 pm 
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Its a saddle Jim but not as we know it :)




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 Post subject: Re: funny
PostPosted: Thu Jun 26, 2014 7:30 am 
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Does anyone need any building blocks :)


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