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 Post subject: dont forget
PostPosted: Sat Feb 22, 2014 11:40 pm 
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Couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering things. During a checkup, the doctor tells them that they're physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember…
Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair. 'Want anything while I'm in the kitchen?' he asks.
'Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?'
'Sure..'
'Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?' she asks.
'No, I can remember it.'
'Well, I'd like some strawberries on top, too. Maybe you should write it down, so as not to forget it?'
He says, 'I can remember that. You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries.'
'I'd also like whipped cream. I'm certain you'll forget that, write it down?' she asks.
Irritated, he says, 'I don't need to write it down, I can remember it! Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream - I got it, for goodness sake!'
Then he toddles into the kitchen. After about 20 minutes, The old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs.. She stares at the plate for a moment.
'Where's my toast ?'



There was an Australian millionairess who decided to use her millions to get what she really wanted which was to have a virgin man. She offered a huge reward to find this virgin man but they couldn't find one anywhere after weeks of searching. Then in a cave in a really remote place they found this unbelievably ugly wizened old guy who confirmed that he had never been with a woman. So the millionaires set everything up and the fugly guy was brought to her house where she lay on the bed ready wearing nothing but black gloves and black high heeled shoes and laying out on the white sheets looking like the ace of spades.
In comes the guy and he starts moving the furniture and rolling up the carpets. Puzzled she asks him what he is doing. He replies " I've never been with a woman before but if they are anything like a kangaroo I am going to need some space".



Bob


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 Post subject: Re: dont forget
PostPosted: Sun Feb 23, 2014 10:31 pm 
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Name: Bruce
Location: Biggleswade
where do you get all these from Bob? :lol:


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 Post subject: Re: dont forget
PostPosted: Sun Feb 23, 2014 10:43 pm 
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Location: Coedpoeth N.Wales
If he spent as much time on his roadster it would be finished by now :roll: :lol:


Anyway-who's going to Stoneleigh :?: :?: :?:


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 Post subject: Re: dont forget
PostPosted: Sun Feb 23, 2014 10:53 pm 
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Name: Bruce
Location: Biggleswade
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If he spent as much time on his roadster it would be finished by now :roll: :lol:


Anyway-who's going to Stoneleigh :?: :?: :?:

I reckon he must have secretly given up :lol:

I might well be up for that one, you going?


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 Post subject: Re: dont forget
PostPosted: Mon Feb 24, 2014 6:00 pm 
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If he spent as much time on his roadster it would be finished by now :roll: :lol:
I have been busy so leave me alone :) Roadster things are still happening so I will update.

Bob


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 Post subject: Re: dont forget
PostPosted: Mon Feb 24, 2014 7:08 pm 
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Location: Coedpoeth N.Wales
I'm planning on going on the Monday.


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 Post subject: Re: dont forget
PostPosted: Tue Feb 25, 2014 12:02 am 
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Name: Bruce
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I think I'm definitely going, may well take the carry van and stay over. Will give you a shout nearer the time.


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 Post subject: Re: dont forget
PostPosted: Tue Feb 25, 2014 1:24 am 
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Name: Dave
Location: Stockton-on-tees
i am thinking about coming just for the day if i can get some pennies together for some greasy junk food and some toys so may see you all there

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 Post subject: Re: dont forget
PostPosted: Tue Feb 25, 2014 2:40 pm 
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Name: Bruce
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i am thinking about coming just for the day if i can get some pennies together for some greasy junk food and some toys so may see you all there
Be good to catch up Dave


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 Post subject: A bit Wrong!
PostPosted: Fri Feb 28, 2014 8:26 am 
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Name: Bruce
Location: Biggleswade
I ended up with an older woman at a club last night.
She looked OK for a 61 year-old.
In fact, she wasn't too bad at all, and I found myself thinking that she probably had a really hot daughter.
We drank a bit, and had a bit of a snuggle, and then she asked if I'd ever Had a Sportsman's Double.
'What's that?' I asked.
'It's a mother and daughter threesome,' she said.
I said, 'No,' - excitedly.
We drank a bit more, then she says that tonight was 'my lucky night'.
I went back to her place.
She put on the hall light and shouted upstairs: 'MUM ARE YOU STILL AWAKE?"


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